I’m on day 14 of my 21-Day program...two weeks down, five pounds lighter and even more noticeable, a change in my body and the way I feel. Interesting that I started this fitness journey unknowingly on the edge of big shift in lifestyle for all of us, and I’m grateful for complementing my spiritual self-work in this way. It has provided an enriched sense of stability throughout. Which is why I am continuing to share this even though, if I am being honest, it feels a little weird sometimes to share, given the gravity of what we are dealing with, but maybe it can continue a sense of "normalcy" (what is normal anymore, really?) and still provide a source of inspiration and connection.
I’m seeing the beginning of a transformation that is built on a foundation of reality for me, still enjoying things I like to indulge in but improving the relationship I have around pleasure when it comes to food. In this program there are options that help with portion control and meal plans that do really work for many, but I’ve tried that way before and have found for me, that isn’t sustainable long term. That said my way may not work well for others, but it’s working for me.
I've realized it's a balance of being disciplined enough to see results, but not too much that I’m feeling deprived. I don’t want to be dieting constantly; I want to improve the way I feel while not depriving myself - all the time - from things I like. I can still enjoy those things without going crazy because I know they are always going to be there if I want it.
My weight and body image has always been tied to my self worth and self acceptance, and making myself invisible (ironic, huh?) ... Finally I get that I don’t need to drop a bunch of weight in order to accept and love myself like I used to - I believe it now. Nor do I need it to be accepted and loved by anyone else. I have grown to love myself not in spite of my imperfections, but because of them. They are part of my story and part of me.
I accept myself as I am right now, and will continue to accept myself as I change and evolve in all the ways. It’s not a perfect road I’m walking, by any means, but I’m learning and growing each day through all the twists and turns life has for me. Growth is essential to my overall well-being.
Ultimately this is about the way I feel, and I feel better not only from working out, but also in that I’m not constantly playing the game of “being good” for a few days so I can eat what I want on the weekends. I realize I’ve adopted that punishment and reward concept based on a belief system that wasn’t mine to begin with, but one that somewhere along the line I integrated. So I’m still feeling the results while enjoying the things I love and removing the guilt and negative self-talk around it...I will never be perfect in this regard and I'm okay with it. This isn't easy for me to share so openly but I want to help in my own way in removing the false ideals we have around body image and self-acceptance.
All of this talk about the positive effects in my experience is not to say that there hasn’t been low moments since I started this fitness journey. That’s when I call on my inner strength for support. I am grateful for that foundation and I see with even more clarity now, just how important connecting with our self is.
I’m sharing all of this because I know that so many are feeling a call to focus on self right now. It’s not always so easy to know where to begin reconnecting to our inner being, especially with our lives having been filled with distraction at every turn, which has suddenly been removed. Our YES’s are now NO’s when it comes to anything in public or groups. Along with that disappointment, is perhaps discomfort around being alone and going through this separately, away from friends and family, when we are so used to interacting and being on the go. This sudden halt in routine takes time getting used to.
I feel the more attention we give to our well-being, the easier it can be to get through it. Taking some deep breaths alone by yourself can be a good place to start, to listen inward and see what comes up for you. What does it look like or how do you want to feel? Keep coming back to that as you find your way in opening the space for a deeper connection with your self.
Certainly knowing that we are all in this together and will get through it together (even if not physically), is wrapping some more calm around all of it in this moment.
Be well everyone. And take care.